 |
January 18, 2008
Gene Simmons gets his comeuppance
 Gene Simmons got his rightful comeuppance.  TV Stevie wrote two columns today but the other one just didn't work out.
 Email TV Stevie
At a not-so-long ago point in human history, it was a rare delight to see a person get their rightful comeuppance. It took something as rare as catching someone dinging up your car while parallel parking in the act. It would happen perhaps once or two in a lifetime, and only then if all the stars aligned and the laws of karma worked perfectly.
Since the advent of reality television, however, comeuppance has become a dish best served often. In fact, they might as well have called it Comeuppance TV, because with 10 cameras ready and waiting to capture just such an orchestrated moment (and from numerous angles), finding someone with egg on their face is no longer the rarity it once was, although I still consider it a delight. At least when executed properly.
On a completely related note, I've really been enjoying this celebrity edition of The Apprentice, a show that's been dead to me for at least three seasons. Admittedly, when I first perused the list of participants, I glowered at their non-blinding star power. Combined with my belief that true celebrities wouldn't subject themselves to undue embarrassment (and, thus, wouldn't really put themselves at the risk of not "looking cool" as they produced a supreme effort in challenges) just to deliver ratings to The Donald, I boldly predicted to anyone who'd listen that I expected Celebrity Apprentice to flop.
And now I love it. What kind of a flip-flopper am I?
I'll tell you what kind of flip-flopper I am: I'm the kind of flop-flipper who really enjoys watching celebrities disgrace themselves in an unnatural habitat. And no matter how famous you are or aren't, getting fired by Donald Trump in his boardroom can't be anything but disgraceful.
Maybe it's the writers' strike, or maybe it's the way the sun glistens off Trump's combover just so, but I've found myself wildly entertained by the first three episodes of the season. After the first two shows, it appeared as though men's team, Hydra, was running away with the affair. And it also appeared that their power was being harvested from the evil psyche of their dark master, the incorrigible Gene Simmons.
I enjoy Gene Simmons on a certain level. The last day of school wouldn't have been as sweet if it wasn't for KISS, and he's done a better job of marketing his image than anyone other than Michael Jordan. He's also managed to parlay a rather small amount of talent into a long and unfathomably profitable career. He even has his own show, Gene Simmons' Family Jewels.
 With his dark mistress, Shannon Tweed.
Simmons has seemingly had the Midas touch for business decision-making, but he's handled himself in such an arrogant and bombastic manner on this show that it's quite impossible to not root against him. Even though I was enjoying him on a comedic basis, it made me a little sick to see Gene Simmons cast himself as the godfather.
Further strengthening my case against him is that I'm pretty sure that Simmons is a Satan worshipper, and while I believe in the right to religious freedom for all, a pact with the devil is one thing that might turn me against an entertainer. Obviously, I don't have any so-called "proof," but all you really have to do is look at the guy.
Simmons' strength as a leader is drawn from the fact that he knows everyone worth knowing, demands a godlike reverence from all who come into contact with him, the mesmerizing, unflinching way he presents his ideas.
From day one, it's been obvious that Simmons assumed he'd win the entire game. On Thursday's episode, he switched teams and captained the women during a challenge. Convinced that he was singularly responsible for the men's 2-0 record, Simmons was so smug that he wouldn't attend a meeting with Kodak executives because he didn't care what they had to say about their own ad campaign, Simmons stubbornly stuck to his very average original idea, and led his team to utter failure.
To put it all in perspective, Simmons referred to himself only half-jokingly as a "benevolent dictator" when describing the role he'd fill for his new team. Now let's all run so as not to be crushed under the humungity of Gene Simmons' ego.
But that's only where it began to get interesting for Simmons. As the losing project manager, it was his duty to choose two members of his team to attend the final boardroom at his side. At first, he insisted that he only bring one person. When Trump insisted harder that he bring two, Simmons relented and brought along Omarosa and Jennie Finch, even though Trump told him very clearly that neither of them had done anything to warrant termination.
It was at this point that I began to realize how not smart Gene Simmons actually is. Instead of arguing intellectually in his own defense, he just kept spouting the same tired lines about the Kodak people choosing the wrong winners. He didn't take a shred of responsibility for the defeat, and seemed more interested in discrediting the entire game than fighting for his life within it. In his mind, Simmons probably still thinks that he won the challenge.
 Omarosa and Nely somehow managed to survive.
After laying down all the pleasantries he'll have to lay down prior to firing any of these stars, Trump looked Simmons in the eye and delivered the magic words: "You're fired."
I know that Gene Simmons didn't really have anything to prove on The Apprentice. I know that after being fired, he just went home to his giant mansion and lit cigars with $1,000 bills while lounging in his all-gold pool filled with delicious chocolate milk and unicorns. I know all that. But his ego was still punctured by being dumped by Trump, no matter how much he pretends not to care. The only thing at stake for Simmons was his pride, and, once he's finished licking his wounds, he'll have to take note of the fact that his boorish and headstrong ways caused him to lose at a game he expected to win easily. He never really respected his teammates, and in the end it led to him being the third person fired.
The prospect of watching Donald Trump fire celebrities was the sweet siren song calling me to watch this season of The Apprentice. At first, it was the mere comedy of seeing Trump fire famous people that got me to watch, but it's been the promise of comeuppance that has ultimately made it worth watching.
Someday when Gene Simmons dies, the devil will own his soul. But for the time being, Donald Trump owns his pride.
|
|
|
